When articles about enthusiastic consent began flooding my FB feed years ago, I eagerly waited for someone to address it from a Chinese-American perspective (or any POC cultural perspective really). Finally, I thought, someone will write something that speaks to my life.
I knew there was something to be said about saying yes and no when you (didn’t) meant it, the strange rules I’d learned from my mother, and being Chinese-American. I didn’t want to have to sketch out my messy thoughts. But I never found an article about consent and race, so I did my best here.
Nora Samaran uses her blog to explore “partly formed ideas,” so I’m reminding myself it’s okay to do the same. It’s okay to post a piece that doesn’t have a clear point/goal in mind. That said, if you have suggestions for a better title, let me know!
I miss my best friend’s wedding
because of social nicety. She asks me
once, twice, three times. If I was
really living the fairy tale life, the third time I would’ve said yes. Instead I say no, times four and five as
I tell my mother about it, and she agrees I did the right thing.
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From Yrsa Daley-Ward’s IG prompt from 3/14/19. Also inspired by Abiola Abrams’ Spiritpreneur School podcast from 3/13/19 which asked, what do you want and how do you want to feel?
“tell the truth about something you haven’t been honest about this week“
comes naturally to me, but I’m not looking for it in a
What I want is to come home to someone. Build a life together. Get deep in our shit with each other. That Jada and Will kinda partnership. I dunno the exact details of it. Romantic and sexual? Monogamous? Not if it’s platonic. If platonic, with one person, or more? If more, I’d prefer a triad or more-ad.
How do I express I want intimacy – emotionally,
physically. Sexual intimacy
is a footnote.
Give me that life when I crawl into bed with you, settle against
your side. And you kiss me. And kiss my hair and my forehead. I want
your tenderness. When I say I want these things, I mean I want to
- safe, physically & emotionally
- cared for
- like I could purr
- full of warmth
- present in my body
Isn’t it strange, I say I’m not
looking for a committed partnership, but isn’t it what I so easily
“loving you doesn’t hurt”
For Vanessa Mártir’s January 1st Writing Our Lives prompt, [1 of] 3 stories that haunt you.
the four years we spent together, there are many moments I look back
at tenderly; and many
more where I was vulnerable, broken apart, and you carefully held me.
You’re a Cancer, so you were unafraid of swimming in the sea of
tears my body exuded. But this moment, something about it remains
clear to me, even if I don’t know exactly why.
It was in the dark warmth of my bedroom I was my most honest and confessed I loved you.
It wasn’t the first time I’d told
you I loved you, but the flavor of this particular one, I knew it was
something different, something I had to tell you.
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