This was supposed to be a lulzy recounting of my first time having sex, but then the examination of my sexuality took a turn elsewhere.
Word count: ~2,600.
“And if they feared the power, would they try to cut her off from it by breaking her? A Virgin Night performed with malevolent skill could strip her of her power while leaving the rest intact.”– Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood
It’s been years since I read Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels books, but here’s how I remember it going down: a witch’s first time having sex is a make or break experience. Men looking to destroy a witch’s power rape her. For the others, sex is a rite of passage to be navigated with a safe (cis male) partner to ensure her power continues growing.
There’re problematic parts of this of course. The absence of pleasure, the cis hetero normative narrative, sex as a universal, the absolutism of it. But I do think there’s some truth to it. Our first times matter in the same way first impressions do. Have a shitty first time, and it’s harder to recover from than an underwhelming one.
It’s a rite of passage to be born, not done in pleasure. And isn’t that what sex is right now anyway?
Which is why I’m glad I chose the circumstances of my sexual first time by placing an ad on Craigslist*.Read More »